meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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