i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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