I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
