You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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