yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
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well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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