Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
