The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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