So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
