no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
