you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
