Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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