Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
