I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
COCAINE IS GR8
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