Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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