i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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