I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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