Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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