im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
