Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
