You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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