I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
