Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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