he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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