i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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