i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
