you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
