What did we do last night that was yellow?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
