Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
