she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
