why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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