I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
