You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
