remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize