told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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