im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me