Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you will always have a special place in my vag
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges