I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies