Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
nutella sex= disaster
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?