walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.