i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
