Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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