Tell her she can't have a vagina
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
