I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
