I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
