he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
