Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
