wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
