Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
