I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
