she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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