and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
