We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
