I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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