My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
