k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
