Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
