I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He shit in the fireplace
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize