My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
