i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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