i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
