So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
