Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
