You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
