i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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