ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
