How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
