Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
