no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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